Have you ever experienced that moment when you’re slowly waking up from a deep sleep, and it’s as if you can feel your brain slowly come back online piece by piece?
Flashback to me a few years ago, when my groggily waking-up ritual looked like this:
- Sleepy thoughtlessness
- Glimmers of gentle consciousness
- Realizing my jaw was uncomfortably clenched
- A sudden onslaught of nebulous, ambiguous stress
- My brain struggled to remember why I was stressed
- All the anxiety-laden details of my workday slammed into view
- Me, heaving a sigh and hiding under my pillow, wondering if I could avoid the day a bit longer
If this sounds familiar, let me tell it like it is…
Stress is an epidemic, and most of us suffer from a prolonged bout.
The latest research shows that a whopping 62% of us report that, most days, our stress is completely overwhelming.
If you’re a fellow proud member of the 20- or 30-something women’s club, congrats; our demographic takes home the gold medal for America’s single most stressed demographic. YAY!
The silver medal goes to older Millenials, aged 35-44 of all genders, of whom nearly 50% report daily overwhelming stress.
Root Culprit: It’s not you. It’s… well, probably your job.
If you’re a working adult, your job is the most likely culprit of your stress.
Accordingly to the data, 66% of Americans agree that work is the primary source of their stress woes. The other top culprits are the economy, health-related concerns, and family responsibilities.
Let me tell it like it is:
If you’re an employed millennial in America, and especially if you’re a woman, then your daily stress is probably nearly uncontrollable, at least in part because of your job.
Still feeling like you’re the only one about to implode? I get it. But here’s a secret… nearly every single client I’ve talked to during my free consult call sums up their problem something like this:
“Everyone says I’m doing such a good job, but under the surface, I’m barely treading water. Everyone else is doing fine, though… so what’s wrong with me? Why is this so much harder for ME?”
Listen, friend; that’s your shame voice talking, the one telling you that you’re uniquely terrible and should be ashamed of yourself (Brene Brown has some great stuff on shame; go read it!). Please, please hear me: You’re not alone. Many, many people are also struggling. So let’s tackle this together and practice our vulnerability by sharing where we’re at, ok?
Let’s talk about all the bad things…
The above is pretty bad if you ask me. But it gets worse.
If left unchecked, chronic stress can become burnout.
Burnout is work-related stress that has spiraled out of control. It’s characterized by a lack of energy and exhaustion, feeling distanced and cynical about your work, and reduced effectiveness (and often a sidekick of increased imposter syndrome; World Health Organization, 2019). It’s often linked to many poor outcomes, including impacts on your mental health, physical health, job performance, life satisfaction, relationships, and more.
Burnout is another epidemic, with over 77% of professionals reporting that they’ve experienced burnout in their current job.
Ugh, I’m sorry to say this… but it gets even worse. As in, deadly bad.
No seriously. If you were to keel over this year, there’s a high chance it’s due to chronic stress.
Chronic stress is linked to six of the ten top causes of death in the United States, including heart disease, stroke, and diabetes. Even if you’re not at risk for these big-ticket issues, the research of Stress in America shows that 75% of respondents who report high levels of stress also report physical & mental health impacts, ranging from fatigue to sleeplessness to depression to my body’s personal favorite, jaw clenching.
If any of this is sending off warning bells in your head because it sounds eerily familiar, then listen up:
It’s time to take this seriously and get some help, ok?
The type of help you need depends on where you’re at.
If left unchecked for too long, burnout can become clinical depression and anxiety; it’s time to call a therapist or psychiatrist.
If you’re not at the far end of the burnout spectrum yet, that’s good news! Consider working with a coach (like me!) or getting very serious about investing in your tools, support systems and turning this around before you smoke out.
Let’s talk about all the good things…
Ok, here’s what’s ironic.
Not all stress is bad.
There’s literally a term for good stress: eustress.
Eustress is defined as stress that leads to a beneficial or positive result. Eustress might feel like excitement or positive anticipation, resulting in motivation, interest, engaging work, and flow state.
It’s the happy excitement, nervous butterflies you get when starting a new job, walking down the wedding aisle, enjoying a challenging hobby, or successfully accomplishing a demanding but enjoyable task.
Eustress is more like a fun rollercoaster ride vs. the runaway train of distress and burnout.
How it should be…
The truth is, we don’t necessarily want to stay in a state that’s the total opposite of stress.
Boredom. Languishing. Lack of purpose. Catatonic on the couch.
Not fun, either.
Instead, researchers describe a sweet spot on the stress continuum; somewhere we can feel excited and challenged, resulting in motivation and a sense of purpose, yet having the resources (both internal and external) to meet the demands we’re placed under.
Sound like something you need? No worries; I’ll dive into this sweet spot and how to get there more in upcoming emails.
What we have here is subject to controversy…
Too often, conversations about work stress are monodimensional, taking one of two approaches:
- Only talking about what leaders and organizational systems can do to solve the problem, essentially only focusing on the work-related context. We ignore the individual factors, micro-climates, and role-specific issues. All of this takes away employees’ autonomy and agency.
- Only talking to employees about how to better cope with stress, encouraging “performative self-care,” “boundaries,” and “grit” without providing any organizational or leadership support. This is essentially victim blaming and advocating for surface-level, temporary solutions.
In reality, tackling stress is a complex puzzle where the pieces are spread into four distinct owners:
- You, holding pieces such as your coping mechanisms, support systems, boundaries, habits, recovery techniques, actions & reactions, decisions, etc.
- Your organization, holding pieces such as leadership support, policy changes, improved benefits & support systems, management style, expectations, headcount/workload, values, culture, etc.
- Your immediate context, such as your family, friends, support systems, city, etc.
- Society at large: National support systems and policy changes, social and cultural toxic narratives, improved safety and equality, protection of fundamental human rights, and telling whoever is supposed to be in charge of keeping society running smoothly that they’re doing a pretty crap job.
There’s some good news, though:
You can still do a lot with the puzzle pieces within your control. And with care & practice, you can learn to:
- Avoid, remove, and reduce stressors
- Improve how you respond to and recover from stress
- Build mechanisms to reduce the negative impact of future stressors
- Better leverage the positive aspects and reduce the negative aspects of those other three spheres
Do you know what can help? Talking about it. Reading about it. Working with someone who can help, like a holistic career coach dedicated to this topic… aka, ME!
If you want to learn more about if coaching can help you and your situation, let’s chat. It’s a free, 30-minute consult, just to figure out what kind of help you need. No scary sales tactics, no pressure. Just a quick chat.
If you don’t believe me, take the sage advice of Salt n’ Pepper…
It keeps coming up anyhow
Don’t be coy, avoid, or make void the topic
Cause that ain’t gonna stop it
… so, let’s talk about it.
