Wednesday was my birthday, and it was a freaking great day. I took the day off, lazed in the sunshine with my husband, gluttoned myself on delicious food, and didn’t have to change a single poopy diaper.
Is this the secret to a perfect day? Maybe!
But the real magic might’ve been my extreme determination to have a good day.
Things that usually would have thrown my whole mood off rolled off me like water on an oiled surface. Car window brake and need to go to the mechanic? No biggie. Needy Airbnb guests (we’re hosts) who can’t be pleased? It’s fine. Possibly be catching my kid’s hand, foot, and mouth rash? NBD.
I rose above the bad by purposely fixating on the good things and letting go of the bad.
I promise this isn’t just woo-woo talk.
Research confirms that simply savoring what’s good can be a buffer against stressors and lead to increased happiness.
There are two big things at play here:
First, there are the limitations of the human mind.
Our Limited Brain
The human mind is multi-talented, but noticing many things at once is not one of our strengths.
If you’re overly focused on one specific thing, chances are you’ll miss anything else, no matter how significant or out of place it may be.
This was famously documented in the “Gorilla Experiment,” where psychologists asked participants to count how many times some basketball players tossed a ball. While players passed the ball, someone in a gorilla suit walked across the basketball court in plain view, paused to beat their chest, and then walked off the screen.
Over 50% of participants didn’t even notice the gorilla. When asked, many claimed there was no way the gorilla existed, only to eat their own words when the scientists replayed the video.
This phenomenon has been replicated in other, more real-life applicable studies.
For example, trained and experienced radiologists were told to examine lung scans for tiny white nodules that indicate cancerous cycles. Five out of 6 didn’t notice the comparably giant (48 times bigger than a typical nodule) gorilla that had overlaid onto the scans. If I have a gorilla in my lungs, I’d like someone to notice, please.
Your mind becomes easily entranced by noticing specific stimuli or completing specific tasks, leaving it vulnerable to missing out on other important information.
As I mentioned in the past two weeks, this is a problem because most of us have careers that train us to notice what’s wrong and generally lean towards pessimism. This leaves us at risk of missing all that is good, happy, fine, and beautiful in our careers and lives.
Enter the second big concept I’ll cover today: Savoring.
The Psychology of Savoring
Savoring is an emotion regulation process whereby individuals generate, maintain, or enhance positive emotions through mindful appreciation of different life experiences (Bryant, 2003; Bryant and Veroff, 2007).
In plain English, savoring is noticing positive experiences or emotions and intentionally working to increase your enjoyment of those experiences.
It’s similar to how you slowly savor that delicious last bite of chocolate chip cookie.
Studies have shown that savoring is an effective and powerful way to improve mood, reduce stress, and build resilience. Of the three types of savoring (past, present, and future), present-focused savoring appears to be the most impactful in reducing stress (Kilbert et al., 2022).
Apply it IRL: Your Homework
This week, keep a log of everything good. Anything you enjoy, anything that is beautiful, anything that is pleasant. Notice both the big things (like your kid’s smile) and the little things (like the pleasant smell of dinner).
It could be a visual log, such as snapping a photo of anything that brings you even a glimmer of joy (research shows this sort of creative visual journal is a great way to hack your way toward happiness).
Or, keep a written journal where you note all of the enjoyable moments in your work and personal life.
Some have called this process “noticing glimmers”; those glimmering happy moments of beauty or joy.
It’s an attempt to purposely rewire your brain to pay more attention to the good and less attention to the bad.
This is so important because a good life is essentially a string of good moments linked into a series of good days.
The first step is simply noticing the good moments.
So, get out there and notice.
Give Me a Bday Gift
JK please don’t send me anything. What I WOULD love for you to do is either:
- Reply to this email and tell me what you think of The Psychology of Thriving. We all like words of affirmation, OK??
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